I didn't expect...

As I am laying in bed wide awake right now, realizing it's 313am and my mind won't let me go back to bed... it's definitely not taking the hint from my body that it's exhausted. I had a very long day at work yesterday, 14hr+ day. I keep thinking geeze, there is just so much they don't teach you in nursing school and so much I just never expected nursing to be. I never pictured the sleepless nights or mornings I would spend trying to remember if I did everything... or really hoping that I did everything I could. Did not expect to experience the anxiety when I feel like I didn't do enough for my patients or the dread of remembering that one order I missed. Feelings that I am incompetent and inadequate.

I had the 'privilege' of being floated to a different floor; received my assignment of 8 patients and I kid you not, five minutes after receiving report my hope for a quiet Saturday vanished. The phone calls kept coming, 2 bed alarms started singing, patient were calling and surgery RNs standing in front of me waiting. I thought my head was going to explode! After floundering for 2 hours, I finally had myself organized and I realized I was way behind. I spent rest of my shift attempting to catch up and literally walking back and forth all day. I pushed and pulled my 50lb medication cart/computers all day, my arms and back are really thanking me now. Every time I attempted to sit down; low and beyond someone needed me!

During my morning break, I glanced at a white board that said- Adapt, Overcome, Pursue... and thought "whoa, what a great motto for nursing!" Then realized, no what a great motto for life! I kept repeating it over and over trying to give myself more encouragement. During my lunch I read a little devotional and boy did the Lord convict me! I was reminded of God's promise that I am never alone, the Lord is always with me. He is my protection! I often forget that I'm not alone, especially on the hospital floor. I think I have to do this and this, I end up placing a great deal of pressure on myself and try to carry all my burdens myself. Some moments I forget why I choose nursing to begin with. I can get wrapped up in the technical part of my nursing duties and forget my spiritual and compassionate duties... BUT thank goodness, God is on this life journey with me and wants to help me! I am so thankful for a loving Heavenly Father, who daily teaches me how to open my heart and love on others. How to be a more compassionate nurse and to remember to take joy in the little details of my day!